I recently had a conflict with someone who responded to the situation by
verbally attacking who I am, who I once was, and who I will presumably
be in the future. It was a less than poetic assault on my character, and while I'd like to say the words were quickly and easily shrugged off, the truth is I had to fight pretty hard to cast them back into hell where they originated. In the message sent, he laid out a list of my life's wrongdoings that
began when I was a teenager, long before he personally knew me.
I'm almost 40 now, so the accusations he fired my way sounded strange
and foreign. I had forgotten some of what he presented because of how
far back in my history the incidences occurred and the forced memory of
sins I committed long before I knew Jesus assured me that his words
were not from the Lord. The Bible says in Revelation 12:10 that satan is
the "accuser of the brethren," and so often he works through those
close to us to bring shame and guilt and separation from God. If he can
get us to focus on what we've done instead of on how far we've come, then he has already gained a small victory. Don't give him that foothold (Ephesians 4:27). His ultimate goal is to convince us that the cross of Christ is insufficient to cover our mistakes and sins, but here's what I know - 2 Corinthians 5:17 says "therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come; the old has gone, the new is here," and shortly after this person's ugly tirade, I came across a social media post that said the following: train your mind to hear what God whispers instead of what the enemy may be shouting. I had to consciously choose to tune out the voice of hate that yelled through an email and instead, intentionally pursue the voice of God I know to be true, so my question is - whose voice are you listening to?
I've done some pretty awful things in my 38 years of existence, and I'm sure you have too. The bible tells us in Romans 3:23 that "all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God," so I wonder what would happen in the world if each of us began pointing out one another's strengths and successes rather than our weaknesses and failures. I don't want to be that person who is quick to identify a person's shortcomings and slow to acknowledge his or her qualities, but if I'm honest, I'm great at being that person. You might be too, but the recent attack on my character left me wondering what I can do differently in my own interaction with others. Here's what I've concluded - change begins at the heart level with Jesus, but secondly in our response to those who attack us. Character assaults will inevitably come, and if we're doing anything at all for the kingdom of God, Jesus tells us to expect persecution (John 15:18, John 16:33). In the situation I've described, for example, I had declared spiritual war on an industry that promotes sexual abuse and exploitation of children and women and the response I received was anything but in agreement with my mission (Amos 3:3). I could have sent an equally vicious message as a reply, but instead I simply told him I hoped he felt better after saying everything he said. I'm guessing he didn't, and to be honest I felt sorry for him because his words weren't a reflection of who I am, but of where his own heart is. You can hear a lot about a person's spiritual heart condition through the words they speak, so if your message isn't one of love, you're better off keeping quiet. Words reveal much. Matthew 15:18 states that "the things that come out of a person's mouth come from the heart," so if you respond to hate with more hate, worry less about the other person's message and more about your own. Why do you feel the need to match verbal venom with more venom? Let it go and listen to the voice of God you know to be true. The people who come against you need less of your response and more of your prayers. "Therefore judge nothing before the appointed time; wait until the Lord comes. He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of the heart" (1 Corinthians 4:5).
My own mouth is something I've had to work hard on over the years, but I've reached a place in my life where I just don't have the capacity for anger and hate and resentment, certainly not in my own speech. It's unhealthy and does unattractive things to both my interior and exterior design. Psalm 141:3 says "set a guard over my mouth Lord; keep watch over the door of my lips," and that has been one of my regular prayers to God. I'm painfully aware of my own tendency to speak harshly or rudely, and in recent years, I've unfortunately become quite accustomed to the hurtful words and hate speech of others. Words hurt, but I propose that we all dig a little bit deeper. When you hear a voice of accusation come against you, don't just listen to respond, listen to understand (Proverbs 2:2). Once you understand, your response will likely be very different. Fortunately, my work as a psychologist requires a more attuned level of listening and has skilled me in hearing a person's unspoken message, but it has taken time and practice. In the situation I've described for instance, my response wasn't needed, but my prayers over the person were. I had to listen, not only to what was said, but also to what was left unsaid. The unspoken message that provided the foundation of this man's venomous speech was one of pain and brokenness. He didn't need a reply of anger and accusation that matched his own; he needed my silent prayers of love and intercession. Hard to do? Absolutely, but the spiritual and emotional payoff is worth the sacrifice, not just for the other person, but also for you.
2 Corinthians 13:5 says to "examine yourself to see whether you in in faith; test yourself," so before you respond, make sure you're doing so from a place of faith and love. The enemy of your soul longs to lure you into places of hate and aggression toward others, but Jesus tells us to speak the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15) and pray for one another (Ephesians 6:18). His ways are contradictory to our flesh, so if you're not listening to His voice, you're listening to the wrong one. If your first response is to rise up in anger and wrath, remember Romans 12:19 that says "Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay, says the Lord." Let it go and listen to the voice of love that comes from God. God is love and 1 John 4:16 says that "whoever lives in love lives in God and God in him." I can't control what words or actions other people choose to deposit into the universe, but I can control what I put out. I choose love, and your responses, if rooted in Him, will always lead you in the right direction. Respond in love. Listen in love. Don't listen just to respond, listen to understand.
"My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry..." - James 1:19
I've done some pretty awful things in my 38 years of existence, and I'm sure you have too. The bible tells us in Romans 3:23 that "all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God," so I wonder what would happen in the world if each of us began pointing out one another's strengths and successes rather than our weaknesses and failures. I don't want to be that person who is quick to identify a person's shortcomings and slow to acknowledge his or her qualities, but if I'm honest, I'm great at being that person. You might be too, but the recent attack on my character left me wondering what I can do differently in my own interaction with others. Here's what I've concluded - change begins at the heart level with Jesus, but secondly in our response to those who attack us. Character assaults will inevitably come, and if we're doing anything at all for the kingdom of God, Jesus tells us to expect persecution (John 15:18, John 16:33). In the situation I've described, for example, I had declared spiritual war on an industry that promotes sexual abuse and exploitation of children and women and the response I received was anything but in agreement with my mission (Amos 3:3). I could have sent an equally vicious message as a reply, but instead I simply told him I hoped he felt better after saying everything he said. I'm guessing he didn't, and to be honest I felt sorry for him because his words weren't a reflection of who I am, but of where his own heart is. You can hear a lot about a person's spiritual heart condition through the words they speak, so if your message isn't one of love, you're better off keeping quiet. Words reveal much. Matthew 15:18 states that "the things that come out of a person's mouth come from the heart," so if you respond to hate with more hate, worry less about the other person's message and more about your own. Why do you feel the need to match verbal venom with more venom? Let it go and listen to the voice of God you know to be true. The people who come against you need less of your response and more of your prayers. "Therefore judge nothing before the appointed time; wait until the Lord comes. He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of the heart" (1 Corinthians 4:5).
My own mouth is something I've had to work hard on over the years, but I've reached a place in my life where I just don't have the capacity for anger and hate and resentment, certainly not in my own speech. It's unhealthy and does unattractive things to both my interior and exterior design. Psalm 141:3 says "set a guard over my mouth Lord; keep watch over the door of my lips," and that has been one of my regular prayers to God. I'm painfully aware of my own tendency to speak harshly or rudely, and in recent years, I've unfortunately become quite accustomed to the hurtful words and hate speech of others. Words hurt, but I propose that we all dig a little bit deeper. When you hear a voice of accusation come against you, don't just listen to respond, listen to understand (Proverbs 2:2). Once you understand, your response will likely be very different. Fortunately, my work as a psychologist requires a more attuned level of listening and has skilled me in hearing a person's unspoken message, but it has taken time and practice. In the situation I've described for instance, my response wasn't needed, but my prayers over the person were. I had to listen, not only to what was said, but also to what was left unsaid. The unspoken message that provided the foundation of this man's venomous speech was one of pain and brokenness. He didn't need a reply of anger and accusation that matched his own; he needed my silent prayers of love and intercession. Hard to do? Absolutely, but the spiritual and emotional payoff is worth the sacrifice, not just for the other person, but also for you.
2 Corinthians 13:5 says to "examine yourself to see whether you in in faith; test yourself," so before you respond, make sure you're doing so from a place of faith and love. The enemy of your soul longs to lure you into places of hate and aggression toward others, but Jesus tells us to speak the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15) and pray for one another (Ephesians 6:18). His ways are contradictory to our flesh, so if you're not listening to His voice, you're listening to the wrong one. If your first response is to rise up in anger and wrath, remember Romans 12:19 that says "Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay, says the Lord." Let it go and listen to the voice of love that comes from God. God is love and 1 John 4:16 says that "whoever lives in love lives in God and God in him." I can't control what words or actions other people choose to deposit into the universe, but I can control what I put out. I choose love, and your responses, if rooted in Him, will always lead you in the right direction. Respond in love. Listen in love. Don't listen just to respond, listen to understand.
"My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry..." - James 1:19
Still ❤️ your writing. Thank you.
ReplyDelete