Not long ago I began working as a psychological competency evaluator for inmates deemed incompetent to stand trial. My job consists of assessing their mental health and writing reports to the court indicating whether or not I believe they have been restored to competency based on the assistance they receive in our program. It isn't without challenge, but I love many aspects of the position. The hardest part, however, is looking into the eyes of an inmate who hasn't even reached the age of 30 and has been charged with attempted murder. Or rape, or any other episode of violent criminal behavior. Some of the alleged crimes I hear about bring tears to my eyes and pain to my soul. When I read a rap sheet 28 pages long and then scan the date of birth only to find the inmate is a mere 24 or 25 years old, I feel heartbroken. I locked eyes with a man recently and the emptiness in his stare sent a shiver down my spine. Without emotion or remorse of any kind, he shared chilling details of the incidents leading up to his arrest. I asked the Lord Jesus to open my eyes and show me what I needed to see in order to serve Him well and love the prisoner sitting before me. Suddenly, my heart swelled with compassion and I understood that the man's brokenness originated with the first fist struck against his face. The repeated and merciless words of cruelty spoken against him still lingered in his mind, and the unlawful and sexually violent attack on his innocence by another enveloped him. He was only four years old then. Unable to escape. Beaten, battered, and violently abused at the hands of others who were supposed to love him. His only chance at survival was to mentally and emotionally die inside so that he could physically survive outside. My heart hurt with the child inside of him who never got to be. It doesn't right his alleged wrongs, but 1 Samuel 16:7 says "For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.” I allowed the Lord to show me what He saw. And it changed everything.
